Chemistry...!

This is a collection of jokes, riddles, and poems about chemistry. Corny, but when you're dealing with a science, you gotta have some humor to stay sane!

Poetry

Little Johnny
Little Johnny was a chemist
Little Johnny is no more
For what he thought was H₂0
Was H₂S0₄.

Mosquito's Sorrow
A mosquito was heard to complain
that a chemist had poisoned his brain
the cause of his sorrow
was para-dichlorodiphenoltrichloroethane

(para-dichlorodiphenoltrichloroethane = DDT)

A Chemist's Dictionary

SWAG (Scientific Wild-Ass Guess) Constant:
(def.) A quantity which when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from one's result, yeilds the answer one should have gotten.

Paramecium:
(def.) Two Latin mice.

Jokes

Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.

An atom was walking down the street with another atom. He say's, "Hold Up! I think I lost an electron." His buddy says to him, "Are you sure?" The first atom responds, "Yes, I'm positive!!"

Q: What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?
A: Separation anxiety

Q: If both a bear in Yosemite and one in Alaska fall into the water, which one dissolves faster?
A: The one in Alaska because it is Polar!

Two chemists meet for the first time at a symposium. One is American, one is British. The British chemists asks the American chemist, "So what do you do for research?" The American responds, "Oh, I work with arsoles." The Brit responds, "Yes, sometimes my colleagues get on my nerves also."

Q: What is a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion

Q: Why do chemists prefer nitrates?
A: They're cheaper than day rates!

Ferrous Wheel

  Fe - Fe
 /       \
Fe       Fe
 \       /
  Fe - Fe

 CH3-__   __   __   __ - CH3
    /  \ /  \ /  \ /  \
   |    |    |    |    |
    \ _/ \ _/ \ _/ \ _/
    /  \ /  \ /  \ /  \
   |    |    |    |    |
CH3-\ _/ \ _/ \ _/ \ _/- CH3